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Wednesday, January 25th, 2012
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9:45 pm - Twilight Zone
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I finally downloaded season 1 of the Twilight Zone. This, in addition to SG-Stargate and tons of movies with RiffTrax, I think I will be preocupied until the end of my contract when its time to go back home to the United States.
I haven't given up on friends in Korea, I'm just so mentally and physically exhausted. I keep meeting these friends-for-a-day, these Rent-A-Friends, if you will. It's all so tiresome. I'd rather just take a break from the going out with strangers and hybernate in my room.
It probably wouldn't be this painful, except that the weather outside is below freezing every single day. I've given up on wearing my wool coat to keep me looking sophisticatedly warm. I've traded it in for warm gloves, fleece jackets, hats, and scarves. And layers. Let's not forget the layers of pants that I wear every day.
Today at work, I tried something new. I created my version of a Guess Who Game which included characters that are so special to me. There's a Curtis-- who happens to be a fat green zombie, Donna, a sweet and thin botanist, along with Seth the chemist, and a character named Sean who plays a sea foam green guitar. There are other characters as well, and I hope that by the end of my lesson in this coming March, students will be able to formulate their own questions such as, "Does he play guitar?" or "Does she have a plant?" or "Is he human?" Then they can take turns X-ing out people from their graph.
Maybe I should make a bigger one. Hmmm... I just might work on that tomorrow.
Things that I miss about the United States of America:
1. The stars in the sky
2. Cars with moon roofs to see the stars
3. The C of S
4. Star Fruit
i suppose those are small sacrifices to make towards financial freedom. But I also miss people. I miss being able to hold a conversation, make goofy faces in the camera together, laugh until we pass out-- I miss those kinds of social interactions.
The guy that I hung out with over the mini-vacation reminded me that I really need to go back to school. He also reminded me of how big the Earth is, and how much of it that I'm missing. He told me to go visit Las Vegas and Yosemite Park before I die. These things require a car, gas, and gas money at the least. But, the idea to go get my TEFL Certificate in Thailand or Greece has also been weighing heavily on my mind. I can't wait to get back to work tomorrow to work on my project.
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| Monday, January 23rd, 2012
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12:16 pm - Travelling Around Korea
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I met this guy who has a car. He's super nice, and we both had holidays due to the Lunar New Year. Here are a few photos from our journey we've taken the past few days.
This is a giant buddha carved into a mountain. There's some candles in front of the image, and people still do prayers. A little further down the path is an even bigger Buddah.
 I have to say this is the most amazing statue of Buddah that I've seen in Korea. Sometimes, when you come across a temple or a church, you don't feel anything sacred. You look at things and just feel a little empty. This place is not like that. Even though thousands of tourists and Buddhists visit this Songnisam Mountain a year, it has retained its sacred feeling. It's almost as if the beliefs of thousands of people linger in the air. People come here to make prayers, to make wishes, and I swear if you reach out into the air you can grab them.
I didn't pray for anything. I didn't wish for anything. I just felt totally peaceful.
OK. One last thing. This pagoda is the oldest living temple in South Korea. It was last fixed up in 1620. Inside of the temple are a thousand tiny Buddah statues. I could go on about this, but I'm not in the mood to write at the moment. Just trust me, this Korean-Buddhist art is amazing. It's the type of art that you could stare at for many hours and figure out meanings and then use those meanings towards your life.
Alright! There's some pictures from my past 3 day journey. My friend might come back here today for more travelling, but it is COLD in Korea! I think it's below freezing.
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| Wednesday, January 18th, 2012
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9:11 pm - Sometimes, there's not enough Chocolate
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Or sugar. Whatever, sometimes, there's just not enough of it.
I don't remember when the last time I posted anything in this Insane Journal. It was sometime in the past 2 weeks, I know that.
2 weeks.
It doesn't seem like a long time. 2 weeks. Two Weeks (sorry English Majors). . . Two weeks is not a long time. However, two weeks is enough time to figure some things out. If you really put your mind to it, there is a lot you can accomplish in two weeks.
For me, this past two weeks, I have been focused on my personal life. Years ago, around this time. . . I vowed to A. get a cell phone, B. find a decent job, and C. find a lover. All of those three things were accomplished within the year.
These plans have nothing to do with New Year's Resolutions. For me, this time is about life planning. Figuring out what I want and need to do, then setting out and doing those things.
I do not want to go back to America.
Dear family, if you happen to read this entry-- please don't cry. I will do anything to avoid moving back to the United States. If you really happen to read this, you can ask me why in your own words. . . but the truth is that I like Korea much better. Even with the lonliness, I love my life here.
The following year, I plan to do the following things: A. Save money B. Find a parnter C. Stay in Korea.
In that order. May it be known to the world.
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| Friday, January 13th, 2012
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9:09 pm - There are No More Tears To Cry
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So, I'm just a little bit suffering here in Korea. Just a little bit.
I don't have any real friends. There are moments when it feels like I have a friend, but they remind me too much of the bus ride friends in San Francisco. When you live in San Francisco long enough, and you don't have a car, you tend to strike up these very short intense conversations with people you meet on the bus. Intense conversations happen. You think you will see the person again, but you rarely do. Even if you exchange phone numbers. Life gets too busy. Friends drift apart. That's how it is in Korea.
You meet people. Have intense conversations, but there's no friendship glue to hold anything together. But, I am such a seasoned person in life, that this doesn't bother me the way I want it to bother me. I want to be upset about this. I want to cry about this. I want to whine and complain and stomp my feet (hence the journal entry), but the truth is that the emotions just aren't there to flail an all out heart break.
So, I'm trying to find REALLY sad movies or REALLY emotionally intense movies that will make me cry. I am at the point now, where I have to emote vicariously through films or books. I'm almost finished reading Ana Karenina, which is def. the best book I've read (after Johnny Got his Gun, That book by Amy Tan, and Clan of the Cavebear). I'm also reading some books that Io sent me. . . but yeah. I just want to bawl. I want to crawl up into a fetal position and let the tears roll down my cheeks.
When I was younger, crying helped release something. It's kind of frustrating when you can't. It's like that old addage about being in hell without a drop of water. Except now, I want to spill some water. Even a drop would suit me.
Well, while I'm downloading a bunch of supposedly sad movies, I'm going to shower and try to get rid of today's grease and slime.
On a more happy note, I wrote a kick ass skit for my class to perform during Friday Presentation. If I feel ambitious enough, I'll poke back in here and post it for the world to read.
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| Monday, January 2nd, 2012
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11:14 pm - Monday Observations
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Backed in the corner of the hotel, sits an artificial Japanese Maple tree. The wood is real, probably cut off the top of some bigger tree, because the thin stalks don't look like tree trunks. They look like branches stuck into a pile of large egg shaped rocks, encircled with wooden planks. The plastic leaves are deep red and orange, symbolic of fall. I look out the school window. All of the trees outside have lost their leaves. Should somebody rip every single colorful leaf away? That way the tree would match the season.
Everything is frozen. Long ice cicles reach towards the ground. Tiny bunches of snow gather in the grooves of pine cones, gather on the tip of the needles.
Dodge patches of black ice on the long lonely walk to school. Stomp in a few piles of snow gathered on the edges of the road for fun.
It's toasty in the office, but everybody is in their own world. My neighbor stretches and reads the news. P-Dog watches a movie, legs propped up. Burt Reynolds shoots evil on the computer screen. Others are gone for the day. It's quiet.
Count the windows. Count the shades.
Talk with Andy on the internet.
"Just ignore the people you work with," he says. "Time will go by, and then you'll never see them again. Ignore them! Nod your head, be professional, and smile, but stop talking to them."
I'd rather barbecue my heart.
Andy finally sold his truffles to Whole Foods. He created a beautiful label for his box of chocolate, and the name of his chocolate is Taso's Truffles. Taso is Andy's nickname. Now he just has to wait for the Whole Foods Manager to get back in touch with him to see how many boxes of truffles they want to order.
"Who helped you do all this?" I asked my friend.
"Well, my friend Molly introduced me to the Whole Foods Manager, but I did the rest of it."
"Really?" I asked. "Who designed the label?"
"I did. . . it was me," Andy said, a little demured.
It's impressive, watching my best friend get things accomplished. He had some help with sticky notes though.
"I took your advice and laid out each step that needed to be completed. Instead of jumping around, I did each step in order. When one step was done, I'd cross it off the list. Now, the whole thing is done."
We high fived through the Skype window. Andy's been working on thie project since last year, and he did this whole thing by himself. He learned that selling truffles takes a lot more just to make the chocolate, throw it in a pretty box, and slap on a price tag. It takes a seller's permit, proper packageing, a beautiful label, and a ton of other things that I can't imagine right now.
"I feel bad about it though. It took me so long to do all of this." He said.
"It's done!" I said. "All that time is gone, and you completed your project, and now all you have is the future."
I could write some more office gossip, but I can't see any reason for the internet to know any of those things.
It's so epic going to work at 10AM and then going home at 6PM. :-) Tomorrow night, I'm making P-Dog some chicken soup. I wanted to make hot chocolate, but my recipe came out botched, and now I have no idea how to make the perfect cup of hot cocoa.
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| Sunday, January 1st, 2012
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10:41 pm - Happy New Year!
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Very, very lazy Sunday.
My Irish coworker came to my room last night at 11:45. "If you wanna go out tonight, we'd better hurry because we have less than 15 minutes to get to the bar. Do you want to go out?"
"Sure!" I said.
"Yeah, it's better'n bein miserable in your room, eh?"
Damn straight. Flew out of my PJ's, layers, and scarves. Threw something on along with a beanie, and the two of us literally ran to the bar. Laughing the whole way, wondering would we make it before midnight? Of course, we had to be careful to dodge the random patches of snow and ice along the way.
We got there 45 seconds to countdown. Even though we were in a foreign bar, everybody at MJ's counted down in Koran. The second it was midnight, my coworker and I hugged and drank whiskey and cokes. We played darts, and I danced with a couple of guys the whole night. So much fun!
Woke up today at 1PM. Snowstorm outside. I'd invited P-Dog for dinner a couple nights ago, but literally . . . there's nothing in my refrigerator, and the past four days have been very busy, what with going out every night. So, I knocked on P-Dog's door. He didn't remember me inviting him for dinner. Granted, I think I layed out the invite around 3AM at MJ's that one night.
Still, I had to make sure. Didn't want him counting on dinner. So, he said either Monday or Tuesday I can make us some chicken soup or whatever. Maybe I can brew up some hot cocoa as well.
In Korea, the heating is done through the floors. It's really, really comfortable. The entire floor becomes a heating pad. So, I threw my comforter on the floor, and I've watched all these fun things today while my body and mind recouperate from the past four days.
I watched August Rush, A Wrinkle in Time, Coraline, and two episodes of the Tudors. while curled up on my wad of blankets and pillows, pleasantly heated by the floor, I ate bowls of chocolate crunchy cereal. MMMM.... felt like being a kid again today. Nothing to worry about, nobody to fret over, just. . . completely relaxing on the first day of the year.
Tomorrow begins our new work schedule. We still don't have "work" to do. But Monday, we start work at 10AM and finish up at 6PM. Next week is the first week of Intensive. . . that should be interesting.
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| Saturday, December 31st, 2011
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6:30 pm - Just a few more hours until the New Year
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It's Saturday.
My father died in 2003 on this day. Tonight, I sewed up a little pillow and stuffed it with some of my dad's ashes, some tiny flowers, and a special bead that I got in Io's package. I bought three beautiful flowers from the flower shop by the main road. They were huge yellow daisies with red and black centers. I should have taken a picture of them, but I didn't. My father never left his chair, but he always wanted to fly on an airplane and travel around the world. In a way, he does that through me.
Every time I look at my small blue vase filled with his ashes, I wonder: What body part do I have? His fingers? His hands? His back? His skull? It's impossible to tell. For the most part, the ashes are ground to a fine powder, but if you dig around a little you can still find chunks of bone. Which doesn't bother me, because it's my dad.
Don't get me wrong. I don't play with my dad's ashes. It's just that every time I go to a new place, and spread the ashes around, I have to dig into the vase to get them out. I like that my father is all over the world.
He used to take me to cemetaries when I was a child. We'd trace the names and make up stories about the dead. Tonight, I buried the little ash-pillow beneath a forked tree in a cemetary on the hill. Then I left the beautiful yellow flowers on top.
*****
Thursday, Crystal and I stayed in the Library all day watching True Blood on the Big Screen TV. It was the easiest work day of my entire life, because neither one of left the couch. All we needed was a couple bags of popcorn.
Thursday night, P-Dog and I ate at an Italian restaurant. We shared a bottle of wine and two delicious pizzas. Then we topped it off with two glasses of house red wine. After that, we walked through Chungdae, and stopped at the street vendor's tent filled with shiny jewelry, sparkling headbands, and knock off PRADA wallets and Burberry Scarves. Against my will, P-Dog bought me a gorgeous headband for my head. It's black with a copper beaded flower that sits on the side of my head.
We went back to my apartment and bought a bottle of Magkoli. Ran into Jjajangmyun, and invited him over for some Magkoli. Jjajangmyun brought over a bottle of wine and a can of beer instead. I busted out the cards, and we played tons of card games on the balcony, finished the wine, Magkoli, and bought two huge beers. After Gin Rummy, Crazy Eights, Pairs, and this really hilarious horse-racing game, we took ourselves to MJ's. Four pichers of beer, Pool, darts, and socializing until 4AM. Things might have gotten a little weird.
Friday. My friend Luis visited me. Had to convince him that he really didn't want to kiss me. We watched that Mission Impossible Movie, and soaked our feet at the jimjilbang.
Saturday. Cooked the biggest omelet ever for Luis. Stuffed it with tuna, mayonaise, zucchini, onions, and mushrooms. He loved it and ate every bit of it. The Tuna with Mayo thing was his idea.
That's been my weekend. My brain is working at abut 1/2 the speed of which it normally does so if any of this post comes out wierd I'll probably go back and change it.
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| Wednesday, December 28th, 2011
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9:41 pm - Rebels Without a Cause
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Today, I found my friend Crystal sitting in the pitch black dark library watching True Blood. I said, "Put that on the big screen!" So we watched the show on the big screen until the Korean grounds keeper walked by. He walked by at the opportune moment when a main character had drunk the blood of a 1,000 year old vampire, and proceeded to hump a couch like a mad dog.
I laughed at the old ground keeper's expression, a sort of mixed curiosity and surprise. The edges of his mouth curled upwards with eyes shining bright, glaring off the giant TV screen. Crystal jumped up off the couch and turned off the TV. After that, we went back the office.
We ate pizza for dinner with her boyfriend Kou.
Then Crystal and I ice skated at a tiny ice rink hidden in the basement of a sketchy looking warehouse place. The ice rink was closed for the night, but the manager gave us some skates and let us do our thing for an hour. Sometimes things just work out like that.
I miss my friend p-dog.
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| Tuesday, December 27th, 2011
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11:46 pm - Effort
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The results are in. Our entire Native English Teacher workforce at CJEC gets a solid E for effort. We have given it a go for nearly five days, and the results are laughable. I really can't stop laughing about it, it's so hysterical. We try so hard to be friends, to like each other, to get along, and the only sound that ensues after our hard working endeavors resembles the sound of a deflated balloon that lets out its last fart before falling into a sewer and being swept away with the other shit.
We gave it a go. Really. Really, we have given it many goes.
Friday night, the entire gang went out for drinks at MJ's. We played pool. Danced awkwardly. Made jokes. Played darts, ordered rounds and rounds of mekju (beer), but no matter what happened, that common bond that really sticks people together just wasn't there.
Some Philipino girls joined up with the guys, and after that it was like we didn't exist. So, the girls danced at another club. However, the dance music stopped early. Totoro got sick. And the other one blew up at her boyfriend, and I threw on my invisibiity cloak and disapeared home through a constant downpour of snow.
Sunday Night. We tried again. Christmas dinner downstairs. Everybody brought something special. Roasted chicken. Thick beef stew. Steak. There was plenty of booze, and Groundhog Day in the background. Sat around the table, enjoying the food, getting sleepy from the beer. But our conversations were quipped, and the room was perseveringly cold. A few people left early. Still-- we tried to stick together. Pulled out my deck of cards and played Gin Rummy for a time, but then the apartment manager came downstairs and broke up our party. It was only ten.
Ten o'clock on Christmas Sunday night-- so I left. Went by myself to MJ's and met a wonderful girl named Brigit. I called her the Goddess of Fire. She studied massage therapy in Thailand and moved to Korea after a five or six year stint of running her own massage business out of New Zealand. We drank red wine, wanted to stay out more, so we ordered Agua Shots. I read her poetry. Showed her art. "This looks like New Zealand Art!" And we left MJ's. Drank Sangria at Pearl Jam, dodged some sketchy Irish guys, and ended up dancing at B1 until the club closed. She touched my face, kissed my cheek. We danced our own style, apart, together, apart. We laughed. We cried. We finished the night off at 6AM over a big steaming bowl of soup. Then I had to go to work.
Don't remember Monday.
Tuesday. Try one more time. Instead of eating at the cafeteria, everybody ordered sandwhiches from Subway. The plan was to have our own sandwhich party in the small office room. The food arrived around 1:30 PM, and we're all in the office sitting awkwardly around the table, nibbling at our sandwhiches. The best of the conversation involved, "Oh I'm so hungry, I need to eat this." After wolfing down our foot-longs, the gang of us broke up. Went back to the cubicles protected by invisible walls.
Kingsly with his headphones on. The guy next to him with his headphones on. Somehow, those two communicate with each other with random laughs and nudges. P-Dog's head's burried in paperwork, body language says I need to stay busy, don't talk to me now. Eyes icy blue. Next to him, Crystal, shoulders up to her ears and leaning into her Facebook game. Her body language says, I want to go home. Her boyfriend's actually pretty chill, the only one open for anything. Conversation, isolation, whatever. He doesn't care. He amuses himself with animal planet on YouTube. Lions fighting and whatnot. James and Chris involve themselves in random facebook games. James waits for people to be interesting, and doesn't let the boring day get to him. Chris reads the news on his computer. And me? I didn't want to be creepy watching everybody, so I retreated to the library where I read a hundred pages out of this book that Io sent me.
We all want to be friends. I know we do. We want to like each other, to laugh, to get along. But like Crystal said, she doesn't want to get close to anybody either. "After you leave this place, you'll never talk to anybody again. I'm sick of missing people. I don't have it in my heart to get close to anybody anymore." I'm sure she means that she doesn't want to get close to anybody when she knows that there's going to be a definite ending, but there's a definite ending to everything! Just sometimes you know when it's going to end.
Other than that-- the boys singled me out again. Inviting each other for beer, dismissing the girls with boyfriends, but then what the hell about me? They invite each other over my head, in front of my face, but don't even ask me if I want to join in. I went out with them last week, and last week they said, "let's do this again." But when Again came, I wasn't invited. And I don't want to sound like Alanis Morrisette here, but really, "I feel univited."
It occurred to me tonight that it wouldn't bother me if I could do my own thing here. But lately, my own thing has been the same thing over and over. Write a shit ton of crazy things in my journal, do some art stuff, read books, meet up with random people, hang out with strangers, then go back to work the next time and watch the people I work with. I'm always waiting for something to happen.
A dog looking for a bone, but all that's thrown at me are scraps.
It's OK though. This weekend, my friend Luis is coming down so there'll be 3 days when I don't have to worry about the office dynamics. When I don't feel like I want to be friends with the people with whom I work.
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| Monday, December 19th, 2011
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7:00 pm - If You Glitter, You're An Angel
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Why are you shining? Why are there flecks of glitter on your chin, on your shoulders?
I'm an angel.
No, You're human.
No, I swear, I'm an angel. You can even ask my mom.
Random pieces of old conversation that I nearly forgot. But looking at my own hand in the light, and seeing tiny sparkles, reminds me of it.
I don't want to do anything tonight.
Yesterday, P-Dog and Kat came to my apartment. I made them a special chicken recipe that I made up which included onions, garlic, spring onions, lemon, ginseng-honey, lemon, and rum. They said it tasted good, but I didn't have any of it to confirm. Then we drank a shit ton of whiskey and ended the party early. Kat needed to lesson plan, and P-Dog had a documentary watching date with a neighbor. Still, it was fun and made my night in ways that you can only fathom.
Today, was an awkward day. Not with my co-workers. Surprisingly, the day with my co-workers was fun. Good communication all throughout the day. Perhaps it had something to do with the cake that I brought in the morning? It was a cute yellow cake with dead snowmen on top. Two snowmen heads. . . anyway by the end of lunch time the cake was gone.
Crystal walked with me to the Kimbap restaurant, and I bought her a Kimbap. She let me smoke in the park.
Being with my co-workers wasn't awkward today. It's my students. My last week of teaching basic course ever, and I have these students who don't want to say anything. One of my students gives me this look of pure hatred, but I'm not convinced that she really hates me. She asked me today if I had a boyfriend.
I sense that part of their silence is their age. They're all older kids, like slightly older than other kids. The majority of them were born in 1999, and I think they're at that age where they're not wanting to be cute and funny any more. They don't want to play games. They'd be more content if I had them sit down and write things, and work in their books than being fun and silly. It's going to be a challenge this week trying to figure out what they need exactly. Their English is very good, they know what I'm saying, but they don't want to speak. They're at that age. It's BLAH that it happens to be the very last course in BASIC that I'm teaching. . . After this week, CJEC is getting rid of the program, and there isn't enough time to figure out how to get the kids to open up.
P-Dog wants me to make more chicken soup. But I just don't feel like doing it tonight. He said, "No rush at all." That's kind of cryptic. But I'm glad that I don't have to worry about it today.
And on other news. Kim Jong Il died, and I want to know what kind of impact that's going to have on the Koreas.
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| Saturday, December 17th, 2011
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11:26 pm - If You're Bored Then You're Boring
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Andy and I have many things in common. We have the same exact color eyes. When we stare at each other, its like we're looking into our own eyes. Actually, Andy's eyes are more green than mine, but our eyes are close enough in color that when we gaze into each other's eyes, there's a strange mirror effect. We both love to look at all the shades of green in the trees. We both love to party hard, but not so hard that it disrupts our lives.
We love the song "Semi-Charmed Life". . . It's OUR song, and has been since high school. (Thank you Andy for agreeing to this part of the story).
But the one thing that bonds us closer than any other thing, is that we are both Chronically Bored.
Chronic Boredom is a killer, I hear.
But we do things to combat this bordom. For the past month, my score board has been hundreds of points higher than Andy's. A month ago, I saw La Boheme in Seoul at the Opera House. I danced with my friends. Had a party in my room with 3 guys from Nepal that lasted all night into the morning. I was serenaded for the first time in my life. Dated a Korean Guy. Acted crazy with P-Dog a few times. It's been amazing month.
So, I guess its my Karma or whatever that this weekend should be utterly and completely void of any type of excitement. To combat this boredom, I am supposed to have a little thing in my apartment tomorrow night. But yesterday, I cleaned my apartment.
Today, I cleaned the corners of my apartment. Washed my refrigerator inside and out. Scrubbed the dust off of the molding at the base of the floor. Stabbed that disgusting moldy yoga ball on my deck three times, deflated it, and threw it out on the street with the rest of big garbage. Replaced a moldy mop with a spanking clean mop. Walked down to the river and collected some river weeds. . . tiny purple blossoms and beautiful green flowers that open up in the midst of snow.
Did I mention that it snowed yesterday and this morning?
I woke up REALLY early this morning because Andy and I had a Skype Date We haven't Skyped since before I went to La Boheme, so it was high time that we saw each other. So, I woke up at 7 o'clock and dragged myself to the corner store to get some milk.
The original plan was to drink with Andy. I know that under normal circumstances, reaching for a bottle of Rum at 7 O' Clock in the morning might be cause for alarm. It might remind people of alcoholism, but for Andy and I-- we take turns doing this. One night, I will drink the rum and since he is 14 hours behind me, then he has to drink the rum in the morning. Then one night Andy's time, I will drink the rum at 7 o'clock in the morning. It's the only way we can Kick Back like we always do. Drinking with a Cyborg. You gotta try it sometime. It's actually not that bad.
Andy and I have that joke that we're both Cyborgs since when we hang out, all we can see is the computer screen.
Well today, Andy had a surprise for me. "I'm going to my friend's birthday bash in an hour. So you should wait till I get back. I'll be back around 11 or 12."
Which is just a few hours more of waiting for me. "OK." I said.
Well, a few hours passed. Andy texted me. "I'm still out. Just checking in."
At 2PM which is like midnight Andy's time, Andy texted me. "Uh-Oh. I have to babysit." Ooookay. Well, that gave me time to scrub the corners of my apartment. Clean the mat. Throw out that disgusting mop. Stab the Yoga Ball and throw that out.
At 3PM, Andy texted me. "She might have to sleep on the couch."
I texted back. "Do you still want to Skype today?"
"Yeah, I'm Skyping your ass today. And then I'm going to Rate you. I just might have someone with me."
Okay. I'm glad he's having fun.
At 4PM Andy texted me. "OMG They played Third Eye Blind."
I texted Andy: I'm going out. I have some things to do. We can talk some other time.
Went to the river. Drank some white wine. Collected some river weeds for my apartment since the flower shop was closed by this time. (I usually buy fresh flowers on Saturdays and Mondays). At the nape of the river were thin layers of snow from yesterday's and today's snowfall. Most of the plants are dead, but there are few surviving species. This afternoon, I managed to collect some tiny purple and green flowers. They are really beautiful, and I love the fact that they blossom in spite of the snow.
Got home about 6:15. Andy Skyped me. "We went to a strip club."
Andy, going to a strip club, is like a huge deal. He's such a nice guy, and he's never been to one before. He was totally amazed that he still smelled like stripper. Him, going to a strip club like that gave us the opportunity to play this excellent game of jealous-girlfriend/apologetic and pathetic boyfriend. We tried to have the fight with straight faces, but we kept laughing so hard.
"I kept wondering where you were!" I cried. "I was scrubbing my apartment, I went for a walk. I didn't know what to do with myself. I considered calling the police!"
"I'm sorry baby, I'll never do it again."
"I waited for you all night!" I pretended to cry. "It's six in the morning, and I'm all alone!"
"I'm sorry baby! I'll never do it again!-- Unless you come with me."
"No. I'm not going to a strip club with you."
Our conversation went on like this for a while. Then for whatever reason, my internet decided to go out, and I had to finish the conversation with Andy on the phone.
Andy. I'm really glad he finally got his piece of interesting pie. I've been hogging it all for so many weeks, that I'm really actually glad to share it. His night went like this: Skyped with his best friend, went to Red Berry's Birthday Bash, Had to baby sit either Red Berry or Red Berry's best friend, then got invited to a strange strip club where they happened to play *our song* Semi-Charmed Life, went home, had some more shots with his best friend over SKYPE, then. . . i really hope he showered so that he doesn't smell like stripper.
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| Wednesday, December 14th, 2011
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5:47 pm - Hello World
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I'm in my room, watching Dexter.
There's something comforting about the show. I used to watch it in San Francisco with Ted. One time, Ted travelled down to Half Moon Bay, and caught a bucket full of crabs. It was one of those white ten gallon buckets, Scratched up on the sides with deep grooves that couldn't be bleached. An old bucket, but useful none the less.
That one time, the whole entire bucket was filled with crabs. He brought them home for us to eat. Crab meat is my favorite kind of sea food.
It took Ted the entire afternoon to clean and cook the crabs.
I didn't know how to crack the shells, so he cracked them for me. That night, we fed each other crab meat while watching episode after episode of Dexter.
***
I bought a bottle of Korean wine tonight, so I'm feeling kind of sentimental. The whole bottle of wine fit into a single wine glass. More proof that Korean portions are smaller.
****
My C Class is really great this week, but I have no connection with my students, except for this one student named Ally. She arrived fifteen minutes before school started, and we played a game of boxes on the board. I let her win, because it's really not fair-- a 30 year old playing against an 11 year old. It was worth it just to see her smile. She then folded me two origami roses out of green and purple checkered origami paper. I have them taped to my computer monitor in my cubicle.
During lunch, we had a group picture taken. P-Dog and Crystal bombed my picture. Both of their faces are going to be there next to all of the C class students. Really, it's going to be my favorite picture. My two favorite people at CJEC in my photo-- Oh! I hope I get to see them. My 11 students there, grinning, making the Peace Sign with their fingers, and in between the brown heads are the heads of P-Dog, and Crystal.
During the next photo, Crystal and I snuck into the photo. Yay!!
After the group photo, Ally found me outside the auditorium. She wanted me to watch the movie with her, so she led me into the auditorium, and sat me next to P-Dog. Then, Ally gave me the most curious look, and the sweetest smile. I turned to P-Dog and shrugged. Then, I kept my eyes on Ally.
It was a really fun day. P-Dog made that comment again, the one about kissing me in front of the entire school. "Only in a plutonic way." he said. What? should I offer him my hand again so he can kiss me a second time in a plutonic way? I never quite know what to say in these situations.
"That would make things so awkward," I said, "And then, we'd have to spend another six months working with each other."
"Yes It would be awkward," P-Dog said.
Then we had a REALLLY awkward moment during a staring contest. Mrs. Shin walked out of the bathroom and caught us staring each other down. "What is this?" She asked. "A fight?" We explained that we were having another stairing contest. But, "I have an itch in my eye," said P-dog. Then he blinked. And I won.
Mrs. Shin laughed and admitted that I had won.
We had a 2nd staring contest, but just when we got started, P-Dog blinked. Like just blinked. "Sorry, I was thinking about something else." And that was that. The end of the day.
*****
For the next two weeks, I am the clinic teacher. The first portion of the class, we go over different parts of the body such as leg, arm, nose, eyes, hands, feet, teeth, hair, etc, etc. . . Each body part has a corresponding cartoon character with really big eyes, or ugly protruding teeth. For the "fingers" card, there's a Roger Daltry type character-- you know, the guy who played Tommy in that movie about the blind guy? Well this Roger Daltry rockstar cartoon is giving the peace sign, and I say, "Who is this?"
To my surprise-- my utter and complete surprise, one of the kids shouted "That's Tommy!"
Hah=hah-hah. "Yes!" I said. "You're right! That is Tommy." There's no way these Korean kids know anything about Roger Daltry or the movie Tommy, so I just let that part be my inside joke. They are familiar with K-Pop, Lady Gaga, Justin Bieber, and mabye Madona. But Roger Daltry? No way. They'd never get it. But still, I commended the kid for his appropriateness.
Then I asked, "How many fingers do you have?"
"Ten!" The kids shouted back. Yes, easy, stupid question. I know. Just testing your English level, please don't take it personally.
"What has seventeen fingers and ten eyes?" I asked next.
They thought for a moment. I could almost see them counting in Korean: Hana, Deul, Set, Net, Dasot--
"An alien!" One of the kids shouted.
"Yes! And Alien!" Quick pause. "Did you know, that an alien is working at the school?"
There are 2 white boards in the clinic class. One of the white boards has cartoon characters with corresponding body parts. The other white board in class has pictures of all of the teachers at CJEC with corresonding body ailments such as "I have an earache," or "I have a stomach ache" or "I have a runny nose,". Any way, I pointed to all of the teachers at CJEC and said, "One of these teachers is an alien. Can you guess which one?"
Without hesitation, the students said, "Steve Jobs!" Steve Jobs is the alias name for P-Dog.
"It's true!" I applauded them for their cleverness. The students looked over his picture with this curious, almost afraid look. "When you see him, ask him if he's an alien. He won't lie to you."
At the opportune moment, P-Dog walked by my classroom, and I dragged him into it. "i" class students asked him, "Are you an alien?"
He admitted it. "Now, I'm going to have to kill you." They loved it.
After he left, it was time to go through the symptom cards. When I got to P-Dog, I asked the students, "What is wrong with this guy?"
"He has a stomach ache!" The students yelled.
"Why does he have a stomach ache?" I pointed to his belly.
"Because-- he has alien inside." The student with the green jacket said. A truer thing has never been said. And tomorrow, I get to do this all over again. It really is the most fun being clinic teacher. I say that every time I teach a new class, but Clinic is really, really, really the most fun.
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| Tuesday, December 13th, 2011
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2:22 pm - Chronic Boredom
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Enui. Sighs. Shoulders slump. Glances to my left, hmmm. There's a bag of chocolate that I'm avoiding. Aparently, everybody else in the office is avoiding it as well. Just another winter treat I brought in this month.
There's nothing to do. I mean, there's nothing interesting to do, and after my last few weeks of bliss, I'm reluctant to figure something out.
Downtime.
It's really hard to observe things today, because I left my contact lenses at home. I meant to grab them on my way out the door, but they're still on the counter. I can see my neighbor sleeping away at work. His thumbs twitch every couple seconds, so he might be dreaming. My other neighbors are absorbed in some video game, but today they don't even look like they're enjoying it.
The plethora of apartment buildings are still there in the distance, and I can see some patches of bright blue sky lightly covered with thin translucent clouds. Off in the distance the blue sky fades into an ugly shade of gray.
Purple orchids bloom on the window sill in the quiet office. Dozens of dead buds dropped at its base, and six blossoms are open.
I see the refelection of coworkers on my plastic name plate that sits on top of my cubicle. I can look at my name, but I aso see a sort of mirror of the office door behind me.
There's no music to match today. I'm on Modest Mouse, because there's never a time when Modest Mouse isn't appropriate, but it doesn't quite match the office mood today. P-Dog and Crystal are also awkwardly aloof today.
Sigh. Blink enough times and this day will be over. Just counting down until then.
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| Monday, December 12th, 2011
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7:04 pm - Scarlet Kingsnake
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Beautiful creature, the scarlet Kingsnake boasts all the powerful colors, but its bite is harmless. It might sting, but it will never kill you.
It's Monday. It's Monday night. I've been avoiding Seung-Cheol all weekend. Last night, I finally sent him a text and said, "I can't do this." He called me three times in a row, so I answered the phone. He said, "If you don't like it, just say so."
The glittering flowers, the shining jewelry, riding on the back of his bike, and meeting a dozen Koreans that I couldn't communicate with with English. It wasn't that I didn't like all of that. There was something intensely wonderful about the whole experience, but there are other things that cemented my decision to cut things off with him. I don't want to remember the sad things-- I just want to remember feeling lucky. Romance, gentle passion, warmth. One should be so lucky to experience these things once.
"If You don't like it, just say so."
Cornered. Backed into a wall. I can not force myself to lie.
"I can not do this. I can not be with you." That is reality, cold piercing, truth.
Silence. Nothing. As if we had never met, and my only proof are a couple's picture, a necklace, a headband, and three red roses. Dried. Hanging upside down, bleeding out all the life that was with them. Mummified for a time.
It's Monday. We have two more weeks of basic course at CJEC, and then a new year begins. A new period of teaching begins. Everything is going to change. We have to leave the routine and tread untravelled paths. I hope Angela orders that book.
Oh!!! Saturday, I was supposed to go to Seoul, but I spent the majority of the morning recovering from the previous night. My recovery stretched out to the afternoon, and when I was truly indulging in femenine emotions, my friends from Nepal called me. Texted me. Called Me. Team tagged me in that Good Cop/Good Cop way.
"We're in Seoul! Where are you?" They wanted to know.
"I'm still in Cheongju."
"Why are you in Cheongju?" Dennish Asked me. "It's SO BORING in your room."
Laughter. Bonding. Laughter.
"So Boring," I repeated. "Give me two hours, I will meet you in Dongdaemun."
Traffic was crazy busy, so it actually took me four hours. At the Express Bus Terminal, I found a colorful scarf with dark oranges, maroons, yellows, and browns. I have a similar colored scarf, but it's just for girls. The last time when Raj, Dennish, and Nirmel stayed at my house, Raj took my scarf and refused to remove it from his neck. I had to physically take it off him with a promise that the next time I saw a MAN SCARF with similar colors, I would buy it for him.
It's a really good thing I found the scarf he needed in the Bus Station. When they met me at the platform in Dongdaemun, Raj had this horrible blotchy cow-print scarf and I just handed him the bag right away.
"Here, I bought this for you. It's a Man's scarf."
I thrust the bag at him as quickly as I could. He said, "You bought me a scarf?" He opened the bag and was just delighted. It was the kind of thing that made his eyes happy. He took that awful thing off his neck and replaced it with the marron/yellow/brown scarf.
Dennish, Raj, and I spent the night clinging to each other as we walked through Dongdaemun. We had to cling to each other. Our coats were not warm enough to block the icy chill. We walked by a group of cedar trees by a lake, and the fir trees were just soaked with inches of ice. These fir trees were so icy that from a distance, they looked like ice sculptures.
Raj, Dennish, and I looked for a hotel or a motel, but we got turned away from every single place. No owner or manager would rent to two men and a woman. By the time our fingers were numb, and we couldn't feel our legs, we relented to a jimjilbang.
It felt really good to be with my friends again. They're just like balm on chapped lips. Lotion for my heart. I love them so much, and the only pain I ever feel is that they'll never understand how much I love them, and they'll never be able to understand why I love them.
The jimjilbang was the best one I've ever been in. I got to take a bath in a cedar wood hot tub with 45 degree Celcius water pouring out of an old fashioned wooden spigot. The water bubbled around my sore aching legs, and steam rose up to the air in giant plumes.
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| Saturday, December 10th, 2011
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11:38 am - Saturday Stillness
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How many poems begin with snow flakes?
The snow doesn't fall in Cheongju, it dances and it spins and it never touches the ground. Inches away from your fingertips, you can grasp at those fluffy puffs of frozen stuff, but you can't ever catch it. It whirls up, frozen and smoky into pale blue skies. Where does it come from?
We live in a snow globe. And God just shook it up to make our eyes happy for a while, a pleasant distraction from the quiet cold.
A man covers his face with a thick black hankerchief. Only his dark eyes stand out while the rest of him is covered. He hops out of a truck, fighting the oppressive chill. He lifts a bag of garbage off the street, throws it into the truck bed, shakes his arms to check that they're still there, and gets back in the truck.
Across the way, a huge burlap bag of onions hangs down from a tree, the last bits of the summer garden.
Seoul. I'm supposed to go to Seoul today, not because I have to meet anybody-- just because this is Saturday, and I'm supposed to be doing something interesting. But here I am, tucked in bed, still feeling the effects of last night.
Seun-Cheol arrived at Globalville just after 10PM. I got on the back of his bike, and we sped through Cheongju down to Chungdae. The night was alive and bright, but we were lost in our own bubble. It wasn't a good night for chicken or samgapsal, so we left Chungdae and found a small traditional Korean restaurant. Women aren't allowed to smoke inside, and the owner cheered when I ordered Magkoli.
Dubu Kimchi, Soju, Makgoli and many Korean side dishes and Seun-Cheoul. We can't speak much to each other, but last night he said, "I was taken in by your beautfy the first time thta I saw you. I felt bewitched."
And we drank soju, ate dubu kimchi (tofu and kimchi), and finished the meal off with a pot of Magkoli. He has the same kind of face as the Guy Fox Mask, only his face isn't painted white. But if you could paint his face, he'd look just like that guy. Only, Seung Cheoul wears glasses, but hidden behind the frames are two very serious eyes.
How long can we go on like this? I know it's crazy, to spend so much time with this person when we can't communicate normally, but we're not doing anything wrong. It's so nice, when we walk together he puts his arm around my shoulder, and his kisses are gentle, undemanding, patient. . . on my cheek or just above my eye. Are all Koreans like this?
Still, there's this internal conflict. An unwillingness to confuse sweetness with love, and a profound heart wrenching sadness. I can not cling to this fantasy, because my eyes are wide open as to what it is.
************ Yesterday *************
Crystal, Kou, P-Dog, and I made steak burgers in the Home classroom after lunch. We listened to Christmas music, the snow outside did what it does-- and ate our burgers in natural light. P-Dog tried to teach me how to throw proper punches, and he busted out his invisible samurai sword but I shot him before he could decapitate me. Josh put in money for the party as well, and he showed up after everything was cooked. He put on some Muppet Christmas music and then P-Dog and Josh got really into the Sesame Street thing.
Tomorrow, I'm going to Crystal's house to make peanut butter blossom cookies. I just have to pick up butter and hershey kisses.
Yesterday was the last Friday Conversation class. I prepared an activity based scavenger hunt for them where they had to go from room to room, complete an activity, find the next clue, and go to the other room. It was so much fun. At the very end, they made Peanut butter and Jelly sandwiches in restaurant. They drank 2 bottles of Fanta and I let them out of class like 3 minutes early so I could clean up.
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| Tuesday, December 6th, 2011
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9:41 pm - Neighbors
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The pretty Scottish girl in 109 has a cold. She opened the door gratefully, but her face was puffy and red from all of the congestion. Apparently, she caught the cold from her friend who lives two doors down. She was excited to have a little bit of company during the week, and despite being sick she busied herself by packing huge boxes of Christmas presents to send back home. Her goal for the day was to get all of the Christmas presents to the post office, but because she had so many Christmas letters to write, that never happened. Tonight, she's staying inside with a hot cup of tea and some Echinacea.
A student complimented her today. "Teacher, you have a beautiful necklace," the student said. At first, she thought the student was addressing the Korean teacher, because her shy students rarely approach her directly. Kat looked over at the Korean teacher, but her student insisted. . . "NO, Your neckalce is beautiful."
She explained the necklace to them, and during the class period, she occassionaly heard the students say, "Scottland," with a perfect Glasgow tongue.
"I have to be more careful what I say to my students, otherwise they're going to end up sounding like Scottish Houdlums."
***
Lawrence cooked something in his microwave. When he saw the yellow calendar, he knew right away it was from the dentist. "This is actually perfect for me, because I love world travel." At that moment something was burning inside the microwave and he had to excuse himself before the shit hit the fan.
***
One of the girls who lives in our building isn't shy at all. When she opened her door, she was wearing nothing but a towel, and she left the door wide open should anybody pass by. She sounded so grateful for the dental calendar with sketches of famous buildings from around the world. "Thanks hon, I can really use this." Then she said goodbye quickly as the cold was rushing into her heated apartment. She was soaking wet, and only had a single towel wrapped around her body.
****
The British guy came home around 10PM. A cab pulled him to the door, and he walked slowly to the apartment forier. Quietly subdued, ready to go to bed. "I had dinner with a friend. We had a couple of beers, and now I'm ready to get some sleep. I've got an early day tomorrow, catching the bus and all."
****
Layers, layers, Layers. "It's the secret to fabulous art," Crystal said. Layers, layers, layers. I wonder if that's a secret to great writing as well.
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| Sunday, December 4th, 2011
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6:13 pm - Back at CJEC Tomorrow
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Awe, the weekend wasn't long enough. There just weren't enough hours. Last night, Seun-Cheol came to Globalville, and presented me with three dozen beautiful roses. They were the most gorgeous flowers I ever got in my life, all colors-- red, yellow, orange, and green. Each soft petal was sprinkled with glittering fairy dust.
We walked in the freezing cold to a small warm restaurant in Bongmyeongdong. Just the two of us snuggled in a comfortable orange booth with the heat cranked up inside so much that the windows steamed. Our waitress was so adorable, hair all pinned back with Asisan sticks and lips painted pink. She had those girl socks that reached half-way up her thin calves and thick black eyeliner made her eyes stand out. She served us our food quickly. Even though she was by far the most beautiful female in the restaurant, Seun-Cheol couldn't keep his eyes off of me. Every now and then, he would touch my cheek and say, "My Tonya, so beautiful."
Just like the other dinner that Seun-Cheol and I had, we stared at the food but barely even touched it. I noticed that other Koreans in the restaurant just look at their food but hardly even touch it. We did however, drink 2 bottles of Soju.
In our broken English and Broken Korean, we pieced many conversations together. I found out that we have more in common. Seun-Cheol's birthday is July 1, while mine is July 18. We work out at the same gym. Only, he swims and I run on the treadmill. I guess he's seen me around Cheongju before.
We got to talking about our parents, and he took an old 1968 photograph from his wallet. "This is my mom. This is my dad." He pointed to the two figures. "This is their honeymoon picture." Then we stared at the couple for minute. "Tonya yojachingoo, take this picture. Put in your passport. Seonmul."
"Seonmul? Jinja seonmul?" I held the photograph delicately. It was another sweet present on top of the heart shaped necklace with matching earings and the thirty six flowers. I took out my passport.
Before I could stick the photograph in between the pages, Seon-Chul took the book from me. "Passport United States," his fingers traced the gold lettering on the cover. "Pronunciation okay?" He asked.
"Perfect," I said.
He flipped through the pages until he found my Visa status. "Tonya leaving in July?" He asked. My Visa status is valid through July 15. I didn't tell him that my contract ended in June, so I nodded my head. "Yes, I go back to America then."
"NO!" He shouted insistantly. "Too soon." Then he gave me the passport reluctantly and appeared to ponder over the situation.
"Monday," He said. "Couple picture?" He asked. It is a Korean tradition for couples to go get their picture taken together. "Seun-Cheol Monday Off. Tonya Monday work?"
"Yes, but I get off at 5PM."
"Tonya-Seun-Cheol couple picture Monday. 6:30 PM. OK?"
"Where shall we go? Shinnae?" There are tons of places where we can get our photo done there.
"Yes, Shinnae." Shinnae means downtown in Korean. So our plans are to meet up Monday around 6PM at Globalville and then go to Shinnae.
We finished up the two bottles of Soju, and then walked back to Globalville to grab Seun-Cheol's motor bike. Then I rode on the back of it cozied up with my head resting on his back shoulder and arms around his waist. It is so much fun to have him as a. . . I don't know what we are. He's so romantic, and unabashedly so. In a way, he's kind of like my dream guy, and I'm just going to run with this for as long as I'm allowed. And I hope and pray that the world will not interfere with us.
We stayed the night in the jimjilbang. Around 12:30, we went into the hot sauna where you sit on stones and dip your feet in hot water while you sweat out the soju you've been drinking all night. :)
Then we fell asleep along with fifty other people in a giant heated room on comfortable mats on the floor. Korea is making me realize how much I love sleeping on the floor. My dreams are always brighter, more intesne, and I wake up feeling much more refreshed. Go figure.
Tonight, we're going out again. And tomorrow, it's back to school. I have to finish up the lesson plans by the end of the week. Right now, I'm watching The Thing on Veetle. It's just as boring as the first Thing, but I don't have very much else to do, and I can't concentrate enough on work right now.
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| Saturday, December 3rd, 2011
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5:10 pm - I can't believe I got a package from IO!
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Wow, perfect. It's been almost two years since Ted said, "Tell your friend to stop sending you packages." There's always something. . . special about these packages. Today, I am wearing some bracelets that came in it along with big shiny silver heart necklace with a little overlapping black heart. If I walk up and down the stairs, it sounds a little bit like a bell ringing.
I put some of the beads and things in a little rooster bowl alongside a vessel vase of flowers. My big shiny non-crystal ball sits near it. It looks really pretty!
Wow, what a crazy week it's been. I had seven amazing days in a row, I just keep praying to the skies "Please just make this last!" But. . . it did come to an end.
I've already written about all the wonderful things that have happened in about three or four different places, so I'm just going to say that from Friday November 25 to Thursday December 1 were the best days that I've ever had in Korea. There was lots and love of true love, laughter, bonding, incredible things. I hate using the word "magic" and "magical" so I'm not going to describe these instances as such. I will just tell you what happened.
On Saturday, my friends from Nepal came to visit me in Cheongju. The weekend before, Raj and Dennish escorted me to the opera, and I left my cell phone in the chicken restaurant. In order to help me out, Raj, Dennish, and their friend Nirmel took a bus from their cities to Seoul, found my phone, then hopped onto a bus to bring me back my cell phone.
As far as romance goes, they really blow the competition out of the water. They took about 5 hours out of their day just to give me back my cell phone. On top of that, they brought me out to dinner.
While I lived in San Francisco, I picked up this heart necklace. It was supposed to bring me true love. LOL. Not really, but yeah. It didn't work. Ha ha ha. Anyway, while Raj, Dennish, Nirmel, and I were eating rounds and rounds of samgapsal, they started humming this mantra in Nepalese. I don't remember the pronunciation, but I asked them what it meant.
"Enjoy this moment now, because it's never coming back," they said.
Hmmmm... It reminded me of an old mantra that I learned in China. "Have you ever heard "Om Mani Padme Hum?" I asked.
They looked surprised. "Oh! That's a Nepalese mantra. It's in our mother tongue."
"Really?" I asked. "What does it mean?"
"It means, "be peaceful."
One of the guys turned to me. "That's a very pretty necklace. Can I drink from it?" The big heart is shaped like a glass bottle.
"No," I said. "There's nothing inside." Right at that moment, right on cue, the heart necklace broke. The top part that looked like a dipper in the heart became disengaged with the glass heart and my heart fell on the table.
"Oh no!" I cried disheartedly, with dramatic flair. "My heart broke. Look, my heart is broken." I held it up to the boys in the palm of my hand. "My broken heart. What am I going to do?"
At first, the boys tried to repair my heart but it remained broken. Then Nirmel said, "It's no problem." And out of his pocket he retrieved a small turquoise amulet set into sterling silver. "I picked this up for you in Nepal last week. Raj told me to get you something."
On the edges of the blue circle were some Nepali writing. "What does it say?" I asked them.
"Oh this?" The boys looked at it closely. "It says "Om Mani Padme Hum." And we all just looked at each other and laughed. It was one of those things. The boys passed my broken heart around and each one pretended to drink from it. I took the black cord off of my neck and slipped onto it the "Om Mani Padme Hum" amulet, and I find myself wearing it quite often these days. Who cares for broken hearts anyway? Life is so much more interesting.
There are many, many stories similar to this one that happened throughout Friday-Thursday, but I don't want to write a novel on my Insane Journal. It's been an incredible week.
I find myself doing something a little bit crazy though. I am dating a Korean guy. We each know about 100 words in each other's languages, but we are strangely attracted to each other.
For my part. . . It's because last Sunday I was in P-Dog's room, and we were talking about how many things we DON'T have in common. Then I said, "Well, we're both single, and we both love being single." I said. "That's one thing we have in common."
Then he said something, I don't remember what. Then I said, "Yeah, I'm open to love, but I'm not going to chase it down."
Literally five minutes later, I was walking to the store at 9PM to pick up some red candles, white cloth, and something else that I wanted for Monday. I was in a hurry because I knew the store closed soon, and I didn't want to have to cram a million little tasks into Monday night. (It happened to be Cook The Rooster Night) Anyway, I'm rushing to the store just before 9PM, when this guy on a motorcycle slows down. He's following me in the dark.
But not in a creepy way. I got that vibe, like he didn't know what to say. Then finally, he drove in front of me and blocked my path to the store. "Excuse me," he said. "I think you're really beautiful. What's your name?"
And his face, his warmth. I just wanted to know this person. "I’m Tonya," I said. He gently took my hand and said, "It's nice to meet you."
It's been a long time since I've felt that warmth. I shook his hand, and he gently kissed it. "Can I have your phone number?"
I didn't know it. I still don't know it. It has a lot more numbers than an American phone number, and the phone isn't even mine, and I kind of hate the phone. . . so I don't know my number. "Phone number Mulleoyo," I said. That means "I don't know my number."
Then he said, "Oh. . . Well goodnight."
The next night, I cooked up the rooster and took another walk around the neighborhood. I ran into him again at night. He said, "I'm work now. Want coffee at 10?"
So I said, "Yes."
And coffee turned into chicken and beer. I gave him my phone number, and he calls and texts me every day a few times a day to say sweet things in English. On our first date, he presented me with chocolate. Then he sang that Eric Clapton song, "Tears in Heaven," On our way to Chungdae.
If you've had the kind of romantic life that I've had, you welcome these experiences with open arms and a smile that couldn't be slapped off your face with a six foot bean pole. I think it's utterly romantic, and this guy is NOT CREEPY. He's genuinely sweet. But I think that because we don't speak the same language, there has to be extra forms of communication. And we are both studying Korean, and every time we learn a new word, we are very apt to use in our limited conversation. We are supposed to be meeting tonight.
Anyway, other than that, a lot of things have happened. I finally went dancing with P-Dog, and we drank a bunch of wine and whiskey. . . hugged some trees. Did weird friendly shit like that.
P-Dog and I were just saying goodbye when Kingsly walked by and pulled out his Imp card. "Oh just getting back from a date are you?"
"Yeah we're secret lovers," I said to Kingsly.
Then Totoro walked by, "Oh aren't you going to kiss goodnight?"
And P-Dog said, "No. . ." and he laughed in that helplessly awkward way. I swear everybody at CJEC thinks I'm in love with him. I think even P-Dog thinks I'm in love with him. It's funny. I'm the only one at the entire school who knows that I'm not in love with him, and it feels a lot like punching air whenever I try to change their opinions. Kind of frustrating, so lately, I've just been living it up. Feeding into their hysteria.
So, Totoro walks by and said, "OH No kiss goodnight?"
P-Dog laughs awkwardly. "Nooo....,"
And I step in, "Awe, why not?"
Then P-Dog said, "Oh alright," And he construed and contorted his face into the most horrible thing I've ever seen in my life. I swear his upper lip quivered one way and his bottom lip went the other way and he made the most grotesque sound as he sauntered through my door for a sloppy kiss.
I backed away about six feet, "Nooo. . . that's okay," I said. I laughed it off.
But better than anything else in the whole entire world: I GOT A PACKAGE FROM IO TODAY! I don't know why. But everything in it is perfect. Just splendid and perfect. IO if you still read my blog thank you so much. <3 <3 <3
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| Wednesday, November 23rd, 2011
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8:51 pm - Back to Black
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I can't believe it's almost 9PM! What have I been doing these past 3 hours?
Well, I cooked a montage of rice, carrot, zucchini, garlic, mushroom and spices, listened to Amy Winehouse, let another cigarette smoke itself in my hand, and replayed the day as though it were the most interesting TV Show.
My life amuses me. And at the end of the day, its better to be amused by your own life than being bored with your life.
Today was such a weird day!
A couple guys from H class gave me the evil eye, played the UN games with a closed fist, and presented their country to the rest of the class. It's hard to tell exactly what kids are thinking. Do they hate you? Do they like your class? It's so impossible to tell!
Chris's students were happy to be taught by Chris. "He's such a nice teacher!" The students said. "And he has the cutest cheeks!" A girl with a chipmunk face pinched her face dreamily. "He's so cute!" The other two girls grabbed each other's hands and squealed with that cute 12 year old starstruck look.
During lunch, a larger group of children screamed equally riotously which meant only one thing: P-Dog was in the house. If you're young at heart, or are really good at pretending to be young at heart, it's easy to fit in with the kids. I guess they think he's amazing because not only can he play with them like a comrade, but he can do other things that they aren't strong enough to do: such as lift them up in the air by their scrawny arms and swing them around like bags of cotton candy.
I had a wonderful lull in between my 12:20 class and my family class at 3:20. Talked with Andy on the internet. We fell into one of Facebook Role Play games. Andy became Mr. Spagioli a half Greek and half Italian former Pygmy Sheep Farmer. I don't remember the whole story, but I ended up playing the role of a Gold Digging American Socialite named Vedalia.
"Are you single?" I asked him.
"Yes, very single." He said.
"Are you the type of man who wants to stay single, or do you want to be settled one day?"
"My dear," He said, "Life is too short for comittment." And with that he flung something into a table and smashed the glass to bits.
"My gown! You've gotten glass all in my gown."
We went on like this for fifteen minutes or so, and I started laughing hysterically-- quietly, as quiet as possible when Angela walked up to me. "What are you laughing about?" She asked. Oh shit. Busted. Being loud in the office.
"Nothing," I said. 'My friend and I are writing a story and it's making me laugh really hard."
I couldn't really go into details, but I remember my face turning red when I realized how many people were in the office quietly working on things. I glanced at the clock and further realized that Andy and I'd been going at it for fifteen minutes past the lunch break.
An hour later it was time for Family Course.
There was mother and daughter with impeccable English. After talking to them for a while, I learned they had previously lived in the United States for a year. Her husband is a professor, and they keep getting to return to the US for a year or so while he is the visiting professor. Before, the family stayed in Boston. . . but this December, they are moving to Tennessee for another year.
Oh.
My heart went out to them. These very Korean people are moving to one of the most backward places in the world. Being Korean is definitely going to present some challenges to them. They are going to be so lonely! I tried to tell them how different the language would be (due to the Southern accents), and then compared the language differences to some places in the Korea. It's funny, if you go to the Southern Rural part of Korea, people speak very different Korean-- just like if you move to rural Southern United States, the spoken language dialect changes drastically. I realized that I'd speaking with this mother and daughter for 5 minutes. . .
I realized a family in the back of the room needed help with their speech. These 2 low level twins were stumbling over the speech. I wondered why they didn't fill in any of the blanks in their work book, so I knelt down beside them and asked them to say the speech for me. The girls couldn't even read "Hello." I wished at that point that I would have spent the 5 minutes talking to them-- teaching them how to read simple English phrases rather than discuss langage dialects with the high level family.
When it was their turn to speak, they couldn't do the speech. They couldn't even read the speech because they don't yet know how to read English fluently. I felt really bad. I felt like if I could have spent just three or four more minutes with them then they could have gotten through the speech easier.
After all the families did their speeches, we played a quick game of Telepathy, which is fun game where students have to guess what it is that I am thinking. I like this game because I love the idea that people can be psychic and telepathic, even thouhg I know these things don't exist. It's still fun to play.
What the hell?
Diana Ross and the Supremes? "My world is empty without You Babe." What the fuck. I do NOT Remember downloading this song ever. And my iTunes play list says the song has been played a grand total of 0 times. Sometimes life is too damn weird.
My life is empty without you babe. I need you now more than before. I can't hardly carry on any more.
Oh! That reminds me. The weather was CRAZY turbulant on my way home tonight. The clouds were super low to the ground, and the sun peaked through them at random points so that the clouds actually looked red/silver/gray/blue/and orange. And they were so low to the ground! It was like these funky cotton ball clouds were at arm's length. And it was FREEZING outside.
When I walked home, it started raining. The rain turned into flurries of snow sprinkled with ice and sleet but nothing stuck to the ground. It was so insane looking. Aaah, I love the weather in Korea. When it does something, it's always beautiful.
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| Tuesday, November 22nd, 2011
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2:28 pm
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Swear your eternal love to me,
On your life you'll never leave
me stranded in your memory
a ghost unworthy of the wait.
I'm bored today. But it's a kind of perfect bordome, borderline serenity. I require nothing-- no praise, no companionship, no sweet words. I require nothing, and I welcome the chilled air. The gray silvery skies and the silence feels so nice. After weeks of brooding, I quite enjoy this restful day of peace.
I don't have to do anything else until 5PM, and then I just go home. I left Andy's book of letters at home, and I scribbled some cartoon on a paper that made me smile. It's a girl with a frilly neckline surrounding her face, and she's blushing just so. She's saying "Long time no see," and "It's good to see you again." But she's thinking "You really put the Hell in Hello."
I've laughed so hard the past few days, my throat is also enjoying the rest.
On another entirely different note-- Apple finally released this cool application that lets you download past purchases. YAY! There are so many things that I've deleted and wanted but forgotten what they were. It's wonderful. So, I synced up my iPhone with my Dell computer and I feel that everything is alright in my music universe.
There's headphones on my ears, but I'm just listening to everybody around me. No makeup today. Nothing special. I'm just presented as myself, and I'm waiting for something to happen. I had a strange dream last night that I was stuck in the middle of an air raide. There were bombs going off around me, and buildings were exploding and being torn down. People were running away.
A lady covered from head to toe grabbed my arm and pulled me away from the bombs. She said something to me in a different language and was pulling me away from the destruction. "Why are we running away?" I wanted to say to her but couldn't. "There's no place to run." And I shook her free from me and just watched the small bombs explode things. Everybody else ran away with a terrorized clarity. . . but then I awoke.
My first United Nations class went really well. Kou's students were enthusiastic, and they had fun guessing the population of various countries. When they went up to the stage for their United Nations speech, each group had a lot of fun. I gave them tons of stamps.
P-Dog's students reminded me of dental patients with large painful cavities, and even though I'm supposed to be teaching them population counts, the importance of bull fighting, and The Beatles, I had to rush through the fun points just to keep their interest. These kids hated the class so much that no amount of stamps could numb their disinterest. Every smile was forced, every answer was spoon fed-- it's classes like that which make appreciate the limited amount of time we have to spend with the students.
My students are WONDERFUL this week. They presented me with candy this morning. They learned the Monopoly game. They WANT to sing Lemon Tree for Presentation of Friday. I am so blessed this week.
*update*
After work, I finally made it to the gym. I got on the treadmill and jogged and walked quickly for 45 minutes. My ass is the size of a brick house right now and I'm carrying the face of a 200 pound woman. It sucks. I've been indulging in booze, sweets, and other delightful junk food that Korea has.
But you know what? I don't regret it. I know my weight is a consequence of indulgence, and now its time to cut back again.
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